I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
