Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
