Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
