I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
