Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
