If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
