Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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