It's Friday. Sex?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
