Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
