A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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