I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
