I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Well I just put wine in my tea
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
