dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
