We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
