I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
