For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
