why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
should my penis look like a turkey
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
