forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I booty called her while she was in labor.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
