Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
