so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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