He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
