I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's shark week go big or go home
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
