If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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