guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
