apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
