i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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