I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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