wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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