No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
