Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
