guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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