just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
