I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
