I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
