wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
