it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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