i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
