wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
