At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
