We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
