who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
