I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So much Jack, so little girl.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
