Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
