Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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