a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I AM VODKA MAN
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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