last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize