You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
