Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
