i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
