He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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