you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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