proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
