Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
